so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
