Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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