So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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