Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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