In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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