Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
