I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize