According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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