Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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