i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could make wine with my vomit
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
