worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
