Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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