so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
