$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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