Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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