OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
