i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
