At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
