we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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