we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
