I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
