We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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