i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
