I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
