Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i now understand why vodka
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
