Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize