So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
