I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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