...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
