then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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