One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize