One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
