I need help removing her.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
