I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
