My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
