Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
