You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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