all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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