Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
