not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
