either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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