I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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