I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
