She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
