oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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