This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
