he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm always down for nudity.
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