she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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