and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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