I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
