Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I looked at my own cervix.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
