Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
