I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
