I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
