i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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