Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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