can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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