We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
