He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
